As I walked out the door to my car, the rain was rapidly descending downward, and began to accompany the quick beating of my heart as though it could jolt straight through my chest. I no longer had to maintain composure for Danielle. I was alone, able to freely process the triggering flashbacks that I had flashed in my mind before. Breathe Melissa....You are so lucky....You have a man that loves you and isn't emotionally damaging... Upon maintaining a sense of self-control I decided that I needed to tell James what I was feeling. As I dialed his number, all of the words began to jumble in my brain. He answers the phone and we say are traditional hellos. I finally gather enough strength to speak in a full tone of voice, "I called to tell you something...Can I be honest with you?"
He replied, "yeah..." in a puzzled tone.
I instantly felt my breath halt, I was getting short of breath. Stop Melissa...just say it...
"I just wanted to tell you that I really wish there were more men like you in this world," I finally disclosed.
There was, for what felt like a ten minute pause, when he finally retorted with, "Why?"
"Because of the way you treat me...the way you support me..." I start to cry. "I love you so much and I feel so lucky to have to you in my life."
Another "ten-minute" pause. Finally, I asked if he was still there, thinking that maybe the line was cut off instead of a lack of gratitude.
He proceeds to tell me that he is watching the TV show, Family Guy, and started to explain what was happening. I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel grief. I simply felt disappointed. Disappointed that he still doesn't have a sense of self-worth even though he is one of the most wonderful people in this world.
No comments:
Post a Comment