The voices in my brain are telling me every reason why this is the worst possible time for me to have a child. I have started my first year of graduate school to better myself and my career through advancing my knowledge. In addition to the obligations that school has put forth on me I have to add the care of a fetus growing inside my body. This in it's own has created many body image issues. The constant panic that I must eat; not for myself, I have another responsibility now. I can't be so selfish...for once I have to think about something other than myself. I must get over the fact that I will gain weight, and have. I went to the store the other day and couldn't bring myself to buy bigger clothes. It kills me inside to think that the past 2 years devoted to weight loss was for nothing. I have to fucking gain 25 pounds after loosing 90.
Sometimes I wish I would have went through with having an abortion. But the commitment I have with James pulled me back. I told myself that after being together for 6 years, this child was a sign. Leave it to fucking destiny to fuck up my life....
I gained 60 pounds with my second pregnancy and lost 30 of it right off the bat. Seriously. Breastfeeding helps you lose the weight afterwards too. True fact. With my first pregnancy I gained 30 pounds and lost 25 within the first couple weeks. It didn't take long to reach my prepregnancy weight. Just eat healthy and watch the junk food because it all stays on. Trust me. And do some pregnancy pilates or yoga. It seriously truly helps. Take it from one who knows. I'm still trying to lose weight, but it's high school weight I'm still trying to lose. I have about 10 pounds of pregnancy weight, but I gained a lot with the second pregnancy and that was totally my fault (long story). So you can do this. The worst thing will be the stretch marks. But when you get a big tummy and it's round and your shirt sticks out because your baby is filling it and it's not fat, it's baby, it's such a great feeling. I didn't think it was a great feeling until I was about 6 months along, but still. Anyway, I know everyone's different, but I just wanted to let you know. Also, I'm serious about the breastfeeding. It helps you lose weight like crazy after you have the baby. But again, you need to make sure you eat right when doing it as well. And tons and tons of water!
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