The voices in my brain are telling me every reason why this is the worst possible time for me to have a child. I have started my first year of graduate school to better myself and my career through advancing my knowledge. In addition to the obligations that school has put forth on me I have to add the care of a fetus growing inside my body. This in it's own has created many body image issues. The constant panic that I must eat; not for myself, I have another responsibility now. I can't be so selfish...for once I have to think about something other than myself. I must get over the fact that I will gain weight, and have. I went to the store the other day and couldn't bring myself to buy bigger clothes. It kills me inside to think that the past 2 years devoted to weight loss was for nothing. I have to fucking gain 25 pounds after loosing 90.
Sometimes I wish I would have went through with having an abortion. But the commitment I have with James pulled me back. I told myself that after being together for 6 years, this child was a sign. Leave it to fucking destiny to fuck up my life....
